I’m sure we’ve all been there. We have all loved. We have all lost. We have all thought we reached the end of life as we know it.
But how do we overcome it?
Going through my first ever serious breakup I really struggled. Despite figuring out a year down the line it was never an issue with me, but actually them (since they begged me to come back to them over 10 times these past three years) – I blamed myself, beat myself up, thought I was unattractive, ugly, worthless, and undesirable.
Know the feeling? Going through it right now? Here are some of the ways I fought through it. Why not give them a try? After all, if you haven’t tried you can’t say it doesn’t work 🙂
1) Remove all the memories:
by this I don’t mean throw them away or burn them – no matter how therapeutic it may be – you may regret it. So instead box them up. Hide it somewhere in the loft or basement where you won’t venture to unless absolutely desperate. (I gave all mine to my ex so he could decide what to do with it – turns out he kept it all!). On your computer save all the photos in an unnamed album hidden in another useless album – like I did. Or even better put them on to a hard drive and put that into the box. This way you have the memories, all is not lost, but you can start to fill your electronic devices, bedroom and walls with new memories, and start a fresh.
2) Force yourself to be social:
plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, plan! Seriously. Everyday have a plan to do something fun or to meet some friends. Examples; Monday night after work a new exercise class at the local gym to meet new people, Tuesday after work pop in on your friend on the way home for a cup of tea for an hour, Wednesday night after work meet your friend to do the weekly food shop together, Thursday after work make a new meal for dinner with whoever you’re living with, Friday night after work catch a movie with a friend, Saturday and Sunday have a look at local events, go for a country walk with a friend, have a baking day with a friend, go bowling, for a meal, plan a holiday with a friend or day trip, etc… It doesn’t have to be a lengthy thing, just 30 mins or more spent with someone else can do wonders for you.
I really struggled sometimes, but kept forcing myself out. I found a lot of the time to start out I would end up talking all about the breakup or end up in tears. But ultimately it’s therapy and you need to let it out. Your friends are there to support you. Eventually as time goes on you will find the conversations drifting away from the breakup. I went on a weekend break to visit my best friend up at uni in Liverpool. Getting on a long train journey for the first time without a text or call from my ex was daunting! I hated it! I didn’t want to go out when I got there. Ended up in tears. But by the end of the weekend after a fab night out, girl talks, retail therapy and some friend TLC, I patted myself on the back for getting on with life. And trust me; it does get easier.
3) for you social media fans: (snap snap snap)
For those of you who rely on a lot of social media. Every time you go out with a friend, post a status or a photo, etc… This means every time you feel down and you scroll down your page (whether it be IG or Facebook etc), you will have tons of positive new memories flooding down your news feed, pushing out and replacing those old memories. This is also a way to realise just how much you can do by yourself!
4) Set some goals and achieve the hell out of them:
think about yourself for once. Be selfish. You might not get another chance to do whatever YOU want to do. It could be learning to run and completing that tough mudder. Or going on a months travelling trip. Taking up a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try and never had the time. Do something crazy for charity. Make sure you tick them off as you go along and create more and more goals. Then when you look back on life you will see just how much you can achieve without anyone else!
5) Keep a dairy:
how you do this is up to you. Online or written. I found this really helped. Sometimes you felt guilty for always loading your family and friends up with how bad you’re feeling and constantly going on about your breakup. Sometimes what you want to talk about you feel you can’t as it’s not appropriate or you want no one to know. By writing a dairy you can say everything and anything you want; how you’re feeing, messages exchanged, new people you’ve met, what you want to do, whether you just want that person to miss you, etc… I also when desperate to talk to my ex, wrote a letter! I wrote in everything I wanted to say to their face! I told myself id post it tomorrow… Tomorrow would come and I’d say I’ll post it on Wednesday… Wednesday would come and I’d say in a weeks times… Yep, I never sent those letters. I got what I wanted to get off my chest, and eventually moved on without having to physically contact them. And that feeling – it’s SO empowering! It shows you just how strong you are! Eventually you won’t need the diary or the letters and they will fade out of your life. But when you have a down day you can flip back to the past and see youre not in the same dark place you were to start with.
6) keep quiet and be in control:
unless you have kids involved or law issues, if it’s a ‘simple’ breakup – avoid contact. If they contact you.. Yes, you want to reply, you can’t stop thinking about it. But wait. Dwell on it. are they worth your time? What are you hoping the outcome will be? If it was getting back together would you actually want to? … My hours of no reply, soon turned into days, weeks, months and now years. I have replied back to only a few messages in these last three years. When he’s rocked up at my house I’ve luckily been out. When he unblocked me and readded me, I left it there til he deleted his request or reblocked me. Make sure YOU are in control, THEY have to work hard to earn your respect and time. And I hope, like me, you’re strong enough, because I know you are, to resist the urge and not respond,.
To round off what I intended to be a short post, but ended up blabbering on… I hope these simple steps help you become a strong and independent individual. Where you realise you don’t need someone to make you who you are. And so the next time you enter a relationship, you can be clear as to what you want and how you want to be treated. Because you all deserve that perfect someone.
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