Taking to my trainers had to be the best decision I made when I was drowning in my sorrows.
You will never know, until you do it, what effect sticking yourself out there can do for your mind and self-esteem.
I felt so vulnerable, lost, alone, the list could go on… I was in no way of a fit shape. But every day, despite the odds, I got those trainers on, and I ran. I stopped, a few times, a couple of times on the way. But then i’d keep on going.
Some days I would have a red blotchy face, others tears streaming from my eyes, and most days, a look of solum. But with music pounding from my headphones, the fresh air finding its way deep into the bottom of my lungs, its chill embracing my body and blowing all the cob webs away; I could start each day for a second time, stepping through the front door with an open mind, a hungry stomach and most importantly, a slightly bigger smile on my face than the day before.
The day that clings in my mind is the 18th May 2015. On this day it was pouring, and I mean pouring with rain. You know when you see the grey old footage on films of the grizzly UK streets.. yepp, it was one of those, well, typical British days I guess. I could have just stayed in bed. But instead, I reached for those trainers and got out that front door. Not being a ‘proper’ runner, i had no rain coats or suitable running gear for the wet weather, so i was quite simply, soaked to the bone. I didn’t know how long i would last, or how bigger blisters I would have by the end of it, but all that mattered, and drove me through, was the hope of an even bigger smile come the end.
Bearing in mind when i started running the summer before I got depressed, i attempted one of those ‘learn to run’ plans. Ha. I couldn’t even run for the first 30 second window!? …. Twenty days before this I achieved 6km. I figured i’d probably never reach that distance again.
Then on the wettest day imaginable, I found myself. I found a rhythm. I got lost in the running world. Its hard to explain unless you yourself have a hobby or something that enables you to loose touch with reality for time you don’t even realise is passing, clearing your entire head and body of whats weighing you down. Its an incredible thing to be able to have. And on this day i found it. Maybe it was the touch of the rain drops, or the sound of my feet sloshing in the puddles. But i reached 10.52km without stopping. Thats when i learnt to never stop believing in myself.
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